This BuzzFeed article offers strategies from a handful of coaches, social workers, and therapists (including me!) to help you deal with the Judgy McJudgeFace that lives inside us.
One day it occurred to me that I no longer knew how to answer when people asked, "how are you?"
I don't know when it happened exactly. All I know is that this ordinary, everyday question was quite literally stopping me in my tracks.
A friend or coworker who I hadn’t seen in a while would enthusiastically ask, “how are you?!” and I would become speechless (which if you know me, you know that's really saying something).
I would pause waiting for the right words to appear.
After working with people for many years, certain universal truths began to reveal themselves.
We all long for connection.
We all long to be seen, understood, loved and accepted.
And: We are terrified these things won't ever happen.
We feel ashamed. We feel lonely. We feel afraid.
We compare ourselves and our lives to others and we rarely measure up.
When welcoming new people to class, my Zumba teacher often tells them not to worry about what other people are thinking.
"No one is watching you. I promise."
“Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.” -George Eliot
Recently I had to say goodbye.
Like many goodbyes, this one was made up of small and big goodbyes all tangled up into and born out of a single event.
I left my job as Dean of Students at East West College after six years.
As a social-worker-therapist-type-person, you might assume that I am comfortable "sitting with" painful, vulnerable and complex feelings.
If you assume this about me, you would be correct, and...I am still a human being!
Saying goodbye after six years, much less saying goodbye over and over again to many people, multiples times, over weeks and months was really tough.
It was uncomfortable and exhausting and hard, and it was a profoundly rich and sacred opportunity.
At some point in the midst of all of this, I had a thought...
fara tucker, lcsw
therapist~consultant~teacher in Portland, Oregon